This is this.

My photo
Prairie girl with a west coast future.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Fa la la la fail.

I went shopping.  On a Saturday.  A week before Christmas.

I braved the insane, pre-Christmas hordes, didn't develop an eye twitch,  and didn't have to give anyone the People's Elbow.  I consider that a success.

I survived, but I cannot say the same thing about my bank account. 

I started off looking the picture of frugality.  Spending time hemming and hawing and comparing prices.  But as the day progressed, I fell prey to impulse purchasing, that cruel mistress.

I knew I was near the end of my sanity when I was giving serious consideration to a gadget designed to help coax toothpaste out of the tube.  I had nearly convinced myself that every single member of my immediate and not-so-immediate family would die without one of these devices. I literally stared at the "Tube Squeezer" for almost 10 minutes before I managed to walk away from it. 

That's not to say that I didn't impulse purchase other things, but I feel that avoiding the "Tube Squeezer" was a small triumph.

I don't understand how people can cavort around so joyfully while pre-Christmas shopping.  The moment I entered the mall, I set my eyes to "EPIC GLARE" mode and stopped around with extreme purpose.  I kept finding myself stuck behind shambling individuals who seemed to serve no purpose but to walk in front of me and stop abruptly.  I started wishing for zombies to come in and cull some of the herd.

And when I start wishing for zombies, that's when I know I've reached my limit.  Unfortunately, the zombie fantasies started about 20 minutes in to what turned into a 3 hour foray.

By the time I left, madly clutching several 4324 pound bags, all I wanted to do was go home and de-stress.

But I lost my car.

For those of you who don't know, I have the direction sense of a blind mollusk.  I get turned around getting in and out of elevators.  It's bad.

And because I came out of the mall from a different door and I stood, bewildered, in the rain, trying desperately to find my vehicle.

I wandered around the giant parking lot like a crazy person, clutching my car opener and emitting high pitched, worried noises. 

It took me about half an hour of fruitless, rain-drenched parking lot stalking before I finally found my car.  By that time, I had lost all feeling in both arms.  Joy.

I made it home with no further incident and I'm happy to report that I managed to wrap all of the presents without giving myself a debilitating paper cut.

Tis the season.