Of Two Minds

Oh lord.

I am doing a lot of school this month. A lot.

One of my courses makes my brain hurt every week with its scary assignments and tests. And my other course creeps and lurks in the background, like a stalker. This course rears up every once in a while and says things like "DO THIS BIG SCARY WRITTEN TEST RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOU FAIL HAHAH HA".

Last weekend gave me heart palpitations because I my two courses converged and I had to basically chain myself to my laptop for several hours.

And the worst thing is that these courses are so drastically different, that my brain literally has to clunk into a different gear when I'm switching back and forth. Otherwise, I get confused and write about how to motivate people who are guilty of securities fraud.

Ugh.

In other news, Adam would like you to know that he is a meatatarian. The man love meat. He basically looks at an animal and parses it into cuts of meat. I often catch him eyeing our cats and I'm pretty sure he's wondering if he can fit them in the crock pot.

I, on the other hand, would be a happy vegetarian. If I could have bacon. If bacon was re-classified as a vegetable, I would embrace vegetarianism with open arms (which would be full of bacon).

I'm very conflicted when it comes to eating meat. I know, in theory, where meat comes from, but I'm more comfortable thinking that meat comes from:

a) trees
b) the grocery store

I don't like to think that my meat once had eyelashes. It makes me sad.

But, I know that I'm omnivorous and I need the protein that comes from meat. But it doesn't mean that I don't feel guilty when I tuck into a pork chop.

So, in conclusion, I am torn apart all over the place this week.

My homework is driving me crazy, and I'm fighting a moral and ethical battle with meat products.

I think I need to relax in a bath. With a glass of wine.

And a handful of bacon.

Flirting with Academia

I sometimes wonder if I'm a wee bit masochistic.

Not in any kind of scandalous way, but in a "I must take as many classes as humanly possible" kind of way.

I like to torture my brain meats.

From April - July, I'll be involved in three full time courses. Three courses that all demand essays, exams and various assignments.

I also, apparently, have to continue to work full time as well.

I feel I may need to invent some kind of time halting device in order to cram in all of the demands of these courses.

Or, you know, I could stop watching trashy TV shows in the evenings.

...nah.

I think the time halting device sounds more fun. Plus, maybe I can go on Dragon's Den and get money for inventing it.

If I were to psycho-analyze myself about my propensity to take as many classes as possible, I would say that I am pining for the days of full time academia.

And it's true.

I miss bemoaning the "earliness" of a 10 AM class. I miss cramming for an impossible number of exams. I miss writing lecture notes while half asleep and then trying to decipher them later on.

I miss school.

If I could afford it, I would definitely be a full time student. I would throw myself back into university and stay there until they dragged me out.

Ideally, I'd become one of those mad, old professors who is covered with chalk dust from insane chalkboard scribblings and who wears loud clothing that's 5 years out of style.

This isn't actually too much of a stretch for me. I basically resemble that remark, minus the chalk dust.

I know that I'm idealizing academics, and it's more than brilliantly minded people sitting around debating interesting issues, but I think I would still gladly drop my job like a hot potato if the opportunity for scholastic study was offered to me.

I think I need to win the lottery.

After buying myself a unicorn and a hover car, the next item on my agenda would be to fling wads of money at a university for the pleasure of being locked up in that academic ivory tower.

But, for now, I temper this desire for school with courses that are of vague relevance to my job.

So instead of taking a class called "Zeus - The Formative Years", I have to take classes called "How To Motivate Employees Without Violence" and "Organizational Behavior - Like Herding Cats, Only Harder".

Sigh.

One day I hope to be able to happily ensconce myself in school. For now, I will just continue to teach my cats about Greek Mythology.

They're star pupils, my cats are. Except we need to work on their essay writing skills...