I'm craving change right now. I'm craving with it to the point of utter distraction.
I'm feeling stagnant and dull and full of boredom. If I had to sum up my existence right now, it would be "Ennui with brief bursts of amazement and wonder". And I would like to change that to read "Amazement and wonder with tiny pockets of ennui".
Part of this is job related. I'm feeling the early warning signs of burnout. I feel more impatience and my "goodwill towards men" ideals are taking a definite hit as of late.
I sit here and simmer with unused ambition and it bothers me.
So I am doing small, wee things to change this. I'm looking for alternate career paths, I'm shaking off the lazies and doing more exercise, I'm tackling some ambitious (for me) recipes in the kitchen and I'm ready hefty books.
I'm trying to define the Things That Make Steph Happy and I'm slowly, slowly finding a path. The path is still covered in weeds and lined with suspicious animals, but the way is emerging. It's up to me to take a deep breath and follow it without too much fear.
Right now, the world does not seem to have enough color in it. And it's not the fault of the world, it's because my view is tinted grey right now and I need to take the steps to bring the colors back.
I need to free myself of the chains of dulled boredom and really start to enjoy myself. Maybe I need to run around the woods at midnight and finger paint and be ridiculous.
And I know this is a totally melodramatic, mopey post, but that's where my brain space is right now.
I promise that the sunshine and ponies will reappear, even if I have to bribe them.