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Prairie girl with a west coast future.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Fa la la la fail.

I went shopping.  On a Saturday.  A week before Christmas.

I braved the insane, pre-Christmas hordes, didn't develop an eye twitch,  and didn't have to give anyone the People's Elbow.  I consider that a success.

I survived, but I cannot say the same thing about my bank account. 

I started off looking the picture of frugality.  Spending time hemming and hawing and comparing prices.  But as the day progressed, I fell prey to impulse purchasing, that cruel mistress.

I knew I was near the end of my sanity when I was giving serious consideration to a gadget designed to help coax toothpaste out of the tube.  I had nearly convinced myself that every single member of my immediate and not-so-immediate family would die without one of these devices. I literally stared at the "Tube Squeezer" for almost 10 minutes before I managed to walk away from it. 

That's not to say that I didn't impulse purchase other things, but I feel that avoiding the "Tube Squeezer" was a small triumph.

I don't understand how people can cavort around so joyfully while pre-Christmas shopping.  The moment I entered the mall, I set my eyes to "EPIC GLARE" mode and stopped around with extreme purpose.  I kept finding myself stuck behind shambling individuals who seemed to serve no purpose but to walk in front of me and stop abruptly.  I started wishing for zombies to come in and cull some of the herd.

And when I start wishing for zombies, that's when I know I've reached my limit.  Unfortunately, the zombie fantasies started about 20 minutes in to what turned into a 3 hour foray.

By the time I left, madly clutching several 4324 pound bags, all I wanted to do was go home and de-stress.

But I lost my car.

For those of you who don't know, I have the direction sense of a blind mollusk.  I get turned around getting in and out of elevators.  It's bad.

And because I came out of the mall from a different door and I stood, bewildered, in the rain, trying desperately to find my vehicle.

I wandered around the giant parking lot like a crazy person, clutching my car opener and emitting high pitched, worried noises. 

It took me about half an hour of fruitless, rain-drenched parking lot stalking before I finally found my car.  By that time, I had lost all feeling in both arms.  Joy.

I made it home with no further incident and I'm happy to report that I managed to wrap all of the presents without giving myself a debilitating paper cut.

Tis the season.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

1-2 Step (give or take a few)

Ok, so I have to be honest here. I'm blatantly stealing this idea from another blog. I just thought I'd get that out there in case some of you were labouring under the delusion that this thought was from my own brain.

Now that my awkward disclaimer is out of the way, I'm making a list, and checking it twice (if you don't have that Christmas song in your head right now, you're a stronger person than me).

I'm turning 30 in a few (8) months and I'm going to make a list of 15 things I want to accomplish before I turn 30.


Because I like lists
Because I feel I should accomplish something concrete before the big 3-0
Because I want to.

So there.

Sorry. A brief moment of petulance. I'm over it.

Here's the list! I'm also taking suggestions.

If you've always wanted to live vicariously through me, here's your opportunity!

You make a suggestion, and I'll add it to the list. Really. I will.

(small disclaimer: I won't add anything illegal, immoral, harmful or anything that's likely to get me smacked around by karma).

Everything else is fair game and I'll endeavor to accomplish it. I'm a people pleaser, that's what I do.

So here's my list as it stands now. I plan on updating Stephopolis when I start and/or finish something on the list, and I'll keep referring back to this particular posting so I can strike through things I've completed. God I love strike through. It's so validating.
  1. Start and finish a full writing project.  (This could be a novel, novella, short story, poem collection, etc. Submit aforementioned writing project to a publisher.  It doesn't matter if I get any bites, what matters is the submission.  But, you know, I wouldn't say no to a publishing deal either.)
  2. Start and finish my PLAR portfolio for my degree
  3. Run on a regular basis and complete at least one 5k race with a respectable finish time
  4. Find a viable yoga studio and attend class regularly
  5. Make good use of the time I have with my IABC mentor
  6. Attend more IABC events and networking sessions
  7. Learn to crochet.  Properly. 
  8. Learn to cook. Properly. (This means mastering more than three recipes in the kitchen)
  9. Make a decent dent in both my book list and this, more classic, book list .(There is a reason that I received a Amazon gift card when I departed my last job.)
  10. Write, write, write, write.  Just write.  (This might seem similar to the first item on my list, but I'm talking about getting into the habit of forming the words.)
  11. Take more pictures and capture more memories.
  12. Learn how to meditate and harness negative thoughts before they get out of control.
  13. Actually use the swimming pool in my complex.  Drag Adam along.
  14. Finalize second tattoo idea and get it done.
  15. Stop biting my nails.  For realsies. 
I stopped at 15 just in case this becomes wildly interactive and I receive 3284 suggestions.  I didn't want to start with an uncontrollable list.

I like being able to see these in a list.  Having them all organized and numerically ordered gives everything a sense of purpose

(Don't tell my dad I used the words "organized" and "numerically ordered".  He'll become insufferable)

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Annoyance breeds a numbered list

Because I'm cranky..

Because I need to fill my blog quota for the month

And because I'm sitting here icing the ankle that I keep spraining...

Here is a list:

Things that (Ir)rationally Annoy Me

1. People who keep their wiper blades going SUPER FAST even after the rain has tapered off. Stop it. Your blades are making that irritating EEEeEeEEeee noise. I'm not even in the car with you, but I'm still annoyed.

2. The fact that my eyes are 5000 times bigger than my stomach. I came home and ate about 20 pounds of stirfry because my eyes were like OOH YOU TOTALLY CAN FIT ALL OF THAT IN YOUR STOMACH. And now I feel like Jabba the Hut

3. My own lack of spatial awareness. I probably shouldn't lose my sense of direction during the duration of a 1 minute elevator ride. And yet, every time I get out of an elevator, I stumble the wrong direction for several minutes before going through a tedious course correction.

4. Purse dogs. As a rule, if it barks, it should not fit in your handbag. Your pet is a genetic freak show made up of chromosomal anomalies. It's not cute. It's a crime against nature and you should feel bad.

5. Jeggings. Just..what the hell. Jeans are jeans. Leggings are leggings. And never the two shall meet. Also, they make everyone look stupid.

6. Mouth breathers. Close your mouth. Breathe through your nose. It should not be this hard, people. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH. I don't want to listen to you wheeze from across the room. It's gross.

7. Really loud commercials. Thanks to the glory of my PVR, I rarely actually have to watch commercials, but every so often I watch tv "live" and I'm always startled when the show stops and the commercials are like 80 billion times louder than they need to be. Seriously. Having children screech at me about toilet paper is not going to make me buy it. Be quiet.

8. Bad puns. CSI, I'm looking at you. It's not clever when a character picks up an iron, references it as the murder weapon, makes eye contact with the camera and says "She must have been.....STEAMED". NOooooo. No.

9. Cilantro. It tastes like soap and fail and is a shameful herb.

Because I'm feeling ornery, you don't get a number 10. So the list is going to stay forever uneven and incomplete. So there.

Except I'll probably get super antsy that there's only 9 things on the list and sneak back later to add number 10...

Monday, November 8, 2010

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

Oh Lord. It's been approximately forever since I've updated my blog. And I'm tired of being out blogged by my husband, so I thought that I'd better up the post count in Stephopolis...

So the reason for my extended absence? A few things. Let's make a fun list!

1. School - For the past few months I've been focusing on completing my latest course ("Motivation and Productivity", for those of you who are interested. And, yes, it really was just as enthralling as it sounds). I wrote a particularly tedious final exam in October and, despite the fact that the online test was fraught with technological issues, I passed with decent marks. The completion of this course puts me that much closer to getting my Bachelor of Professional Arts in Communications.

2. Family - For the last week of October, Chez Bitchardson played host to Adam's mom and dad. They came out to get a sense of what a British Columbia autumn has to offer and to experience the insanity of Halloween in our neighbourhood.

We consistently have over 150 kids and go through several Costco-sized bags of candy. I swear, parents from all over the lower mainland must bus their wee goblins to our townhouse complex, because there's no way there are that many kids living around here.

3. Work. This category is the biggest reason for why this blog has been collecting dust.

For some time, I've felt like a change was in order in my professional life. Work was becoming stagnant and staid, and I wanted more of a challenge.

I also wanted something more aligned with my professional interests, namely Communications.

After testing the waters and putting some feelers out, an opportunity presented itself. After jumping through several hoops, including three interviews and a written assignment, I was offered the position of Communications Specialist.

And while this might seem like a straightforward decision, I actually agonized for quite a long time on the pros and cons and ups and downs of this particular choice.

Why? Because the timing could not have been worse for my current workplace. In the middle of my interview process, two other teammates announced their resignations. And by accepting the position, I would be the third person to leave in just as many months.

And, being the team and people oriented person that I am, the prospect of leaving my team in that non-enviable position gave me pangs of anxiety.

But, thanks to a lovely and supportive group of family and friends, I slowly realized that throwing away an opportunity for "the greater good" would be foolish. They collectively helped give me perspective and lifted the veil of guilt that was clouding my eyes. And I am forever thankful and grateful for every person who listened to me talk myself around in circle and who then carefully guided me to the decision I knew I was going to make all along.

So, I made my choice, negotiated like a champion, and gave my notice. And now, I leave the comfort and familiarity of my old workplace near the end of November and immediately start my new job. Lots of people think I'm crazy for not taking a break in between, but I know that if I take time off, I'll just spend the whole time thinking anxious little thoughts and driving myself crazy with "what if" statements.

So now is the time of tying up loose ends and of succession planning and legacy leaving. And, while I'm torn up about leaving some of the amazing people I've met and worked with, I'm excited by what's on the horizon. I'm eager to cut my teeth as a Communications professional and I know I'm going to get a thrill when I get to put "Communications Specialist" on my new business cards.

So, yes, all of this explains why I've neglected my blog. But, seeing as I'm going to work in the field of Communications, I figure I should maybe start communicating more often.

Which probably means I should update my blog more than once in a blue moon. Ahem.

So, expect to hear more from me!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Turning 29 or: How I Stopped Worrying and Learned to Love the Moment

So, I'm officially one year from 30. One year away from being halfway to 60. And I think I found my first grey hair. But I quickly buried it beneath my other hair, as to keep it from glinting under the harsh overhead lighting.

Honestly, I don't feel much different. I look at myself in the mirror and still see myself as a high school student, as a university student, and as someone still in their early 20s. I haven't quite acknowledged that I'm supposed to be an adult.

I mean, I go to work, Monday to Friday, and work a responsible job, just like a grown up, but I often don't feel like I really belong in that world.

Part of it is my constant, forever longing to go back to school. Nothing would make me happier than to be a full time student, fully engaged in learning and challenging my brain.

The one way that I know I'm growing up is that the "worry wrinkle" in my forehead is constantly engaged. I worry about money, about my future, about my loved ones, etc. I have a laundry list of things that concern me, and these are things that I didn't really give much thought to earlier in my life.

I try to live more in the moment, but I seem to be firmly entrenched in my own future, thinking and thinking and spending so much energy on wondering how things will turn out, that I forget to pay attention to the way things are now.

I'm trying, as part of my "29th year resolution", to centre myself more. To be more present and to stop either dwelling in the past, or fixating on the future. I'm going to try and

I'm sure my limited brain space could be better used. For instance, I have several novels half started, but none put to paper. And that needs to change. And the only way for me to really tap into my creative potential, is to stop worrying.

That's way easier said than done, as worrying has become a habit, and habits are hard to break (just ask me how many times I've failed to stop biting my nails...)

But I really want to stop spending time fixating on things I either cannot change or that are beyond my immediate control. These things aren't worth the prime real estate they're taking up in my brain.

Instead, I want to channel all that nervous energy into writing. If I was half as productive at writing as I am at worrying, I'd be a best selling author by now.

So that's what this 29th year will be. It will be a year of learning how to stop worrying and live in the present. It will be a year of re-directing my energy and a year of living in the moment.

And if my 29th year also turns into the year that I write my novel and find my path, then I'm not complaining.

But I'm not going to worry about it.

Monday, September 13, 2010


Eeep. It's been a good long while since I've last blogged (sorry mom!), so I thought I would remedy that situation this morning.

Please excuse any tangential ramblings and other nonsense - I'm functioning at about 67% capacity right now, due to lack of sleep.

But, that lack of sleep was for a good reason.

Adam and I traveled "overseas" to Victoria on Saturday and returned early (VERY EARLY) Sunday morning.

Why the short trip? We went to surprise my mom and help her celebrate her birthday in style.

Dad first approached me with this idea one hot day in July when I was visiting Nanoose Bay. I believe I was basking in the early morning sun like a lizard when he approached, all sly-like.

He told me that this birthday was a big one for mom and he told me, very earnestly, that he wanted to make this year's celebration truly memorable.

As I've hinted to before, my family has been braving some figurative storms for a while now, and dad told me that he wanted this trip to be a nice and welcome distraction for the whole family. He wanted us to concentrate on love and family and togetherness, and not on the negatives that have been at the forefront for far too long.

And, so, as the months progressed in their steady march towards the fall, dad's plans began to take shape.

He planned a trip to Victoria for himself and mom, including reservations for dinner at a very chic restaurant and an overnight stay in a beautiful hotel suite.

He also arranged animal care for the dog and cat - all behind mom's back.

Meanwhile, as the day approached, Mike, Adam and I all fostered and perfected our excuses as to what we were doing that weekend. We figured that if the three of us invented complicated weekend plans, mom would be less suspicious that we had anything to do with dad's master plan.

Dad broke the news that mom and he would be going on a trip on her actual birthday (September 7). He gave her no more hints and I did my part by feigning surprise when mom called to tell me about dad's plan.

I talked to her on the eve of the surprise weekend and put my theatre degree to work.

"Do you know where you're going yet?" I asked mom, trying to gauge if she was cluing in to anything.

She responded in the negative and then asked what I was doing this weekend.

"Oh", I said, putting a tinge of sorrow and weariness into my voice, "I have to work. I have to go to Chilliwack and put on an investor education seminar". I think I played things up by sighing loudly at this point.

I then went on to weave my tragic tale about having to figure out directions to the Chilliwack Rotary club and having to do the presentation myself and telling mom that I was nervous, etc.

Adam was on the chair next to me smirking quite distractedly.

Truly, it was an award winning bit of lying.

And, with that, I told mom to have a good time and to call on Sunday and give me all the details about the trip.

I must admit that I was excited to hear that dad planned to take mom to Victoria. I love Victoria and will pretty much come up with any excuse to wander around that city.

I'm not sure if I would have been able to muster the same kind of enthusiasm if dad had been like "Hey! I'm surprising your mom with a trip to Winnipeg."

Victoria is my heart city. It lives in me and I feel more at home there than I do in Vancouver. I was proposed to there, I was married there, I have lived there and I hope to live there again in the not so distant future. But until then, I have to content myself with small trips to get my fill.

So Adam and I took off on a morning ferry and met up with a friend for lunch. After that, we drove leisurely through the different neighbourhoods of the city and basically reiterated to each other our great love for Victoria.

We stayed at the James Bay Inn, a purportedly haunted establishment that will be celebrating its centennial next year. I think I should demand a refund, as we didn't experience any other worldly visits that night. Not even any suspicious noises! It was a perfectly corporeal room.

We retired to our hotel room after lunch for a brief rest, where I subjected Adam to approximately an hour of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" television show. As evening drew closer we got ready to go and meet my parents and brother at Vista 18 atop the Chateau Victoria hotel.

The plan was that Mike, Adam and I would be at the table at 6:45 and be waiting there for when dad and mom arrived for their 7:00 reservation. There was a kink in these plans, as the table wasn't actually ready until well after 7:15. So we ended up surprising mom in the lobby of the restaurant, right near the elevators! But it still had the desired effect.

We all sat down in the bar area and our table was finally ready. But not before mom had made friends with approximately everyone in the restaurant. I think as she ages, mom just gets friendlier and friendlier. Next year, I'll probably have to keep her from giving out random hugs to strangers.

The meal was...amazing. We stuffed ourselves on fantastic food and mom peer pressured me into having two cocktails. Steph + cocktails = loud, inappropriate laughing.

After dinner, I gave mom her gifts. I had two wedding pictures printed out and framed. One of Adam and I (see below) and one of Mike and I. I also wrote her a wee poem.

As dinner wound down, I looked around and was struck by the realization that I was so lucky. Lucky to have such a wonderful family. Our family may be small, but we make up for it with the size of our hearts. I feel so safe with my family because I know that I'm kept buoyant by their love and support.

I wanted to crystallize that moment and hold it close to me forever, because it was just so indicative of the kindness that we all feel for one another. And how we could pull off this amazing present for mom, despite dealing with setbacks that might have pulled apart a lesser family.

I'm truly blessed to be part of the Butler clan.

Happy birthday, mom. I love you.

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Knock, knock....

Oh, readers, I really have THINGS TO SAY about many subjects, but I think I'll stick with discussing my slightly awkward and tenuously inappropriate social behaviors while in the workplace.

For some reason, I trend towards being the "class clown" at work. At any work. It's strange. Not that it's strange because I'm lacking in humor. On the contrary. I find myself quite amusing and I know that my cats appreciate my jokes and impeccable comedic timing.

But at work....something happens.

It's like the transformation between Bruce Banner and the Incredible Hulk (+1 for Geek Reference). I'll be going about my daily routine and suddenly have this irresistible urge to free style rap. Or to come up with ridiculous (and awesome) nicknames for my co-workers. Or to engage in a one-woman version of charades.

So instead of turning green and rending my clothing, I just collapse my brain/mouth filter and revel in the humorous results.

It's really quite unstoppable.

It's a good thing I work with a pretty relaxed and laid back team. Otherwise I'm pretty sure I would spend more time up in human resources than at my own desk.

The extent of my at-work shenanigans really hit home when I was reminiscing with another co-worker.

Me: Hey, remember the other day when I was wildly inappropriate at work, but it had hilarious consequences?
Them: Oh, you mean when you were re-enacting how to use a plunger when the executive director walked by?
Them: The time that you talked really loudly about hot dog eating contests?
Them: When you did that impression of your husband and ended up spilling tea all over the place?
Them: Steph, there are just too many instances of you being inappropriate. I can't narrow them down.

So then I called her a euphemism for "lady of the night" and went on my way.

Most days, I manage to hold on to the slippery slope of professionalism at least until the afternoon (or until I've ingested enough caffeine - whichever comes first), and then all bets are off.

And this isn't even touching the expounded ridiculousness that happens when I start drinking around my co-workers.

Good lord. That's when the small part of my brain that keeps my ~secrets~ gets unlocked and I say all the things that no one should really ever say.

But I think I must just be so adorable that I'm forgiven, even when I'm drunkenly professing my undying love to peach schnapps and laughing like a manic hyena.

I think it's a good personality trait to have, this ability to find humor and to make other people laugh. But it's possible that I might have to start being more sensible about when I start talking about why "T-Bone" is a perfectly good nickname for a co-worker. And I should probably stop telling people that I'll fire them if they don't bring me food.

But if people would only bring me cookies of their own volition, we wouldn't have this problem.

Uh oh. I'm up to 2 cups of tea and it's only 9:30. I sense an early start for Hulk-like hilarity today.

Batten down the hatches, we're headed for a humor tsunami!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Too Hot For A Clever Title....

You guys. YOU GUYS.

I am so hot. And I mean that in the literal "I sweat when I move" kind of way, not in the "check out my nice bum" kind of way.

Not that I don't have a nice bum, because I really do.

But right now the urge to lie prone under a fan trumps my need to do anything else.

I have basically lost the urge to eat. And if you know me, you know that food and I have a very special relationship. As in, I eat it and it repays the kindness by giving me love handles.

And I can't even partake in my second favorite past time, which is engaging my cats in "gentle harassment" (ie: chasing them around the townhouse and talking to them in a high pitched voice).

I can't do this because both of my cats have melted and have formed feline-shaped puddles on my floor.

I was going to spend some time blogging about my propensity to be the class clown at work and how this is likely to land me up in HR, but I'm simply too hot to engage my brain meats.

So you will all just have to wait to hear the story of "Steph and the Awkward Silence", which will be coming when I don't feel like I'm about to spontaneously combust.


I am very much looking forward to autumn.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Das Ist Gut

Ok then.

I just (read: yesterday) got back from a wondrous trip to N-Bay, which spanned from Thursday evening until Monday afternoon.

The purpose of my visit was threefold:

1. To visit with my family (including my aunt Ingrid from Germany)
2. To eat lots of food
3. To attend a bonafide N-Bay party, hosted by my parents.

I definitely accomplished all three objectives. And the state of my pants today is making me think that I maybe over achieved on objective number two.

It's hard being so ambitious, I tell you.

The visiting of the family was great. I hadn't seen Ingrid for many years, so when she came to N-Bay my family took the opportunity to catch her up to all the recent happenings (translation: force her to look at 8343989038 of my wedding photos).

My aunt's presence also helped me achieve objectives two and three. In other words, Ingrid was a catalyst for my increased carbohydrate intake over the weekend.

I have to say that I'm quite suspicious of the German drinking water. Ingrid simply does. not. age. It's quite eerie. I'd like to conduct an experiment to see if everyone in Germany remains in a constant form of stasis or if my aunt is just lucky. If anyone would like to help me conduct this important "research", send me an email and I'll tell you where to deposit the funds.

And Ingrid does not just look young. As my dad remarked on Monday morning when Ingrid was flitting around the kitchen, "You don't act like a regular granny". And it's true. For a mother of two, grandmother of five, Ingrid seems to have boundless stores of both enthusiasm and impishness.

Ingrid is definitely not one to sit quietly in the corner and call everyone "Dear". Well, I think she called me "Dear", but she was probably busy giving me a noogie at the same time.

Ingrid is like a bundle of effervescence, personality and happiness all wrapped up in one exuberant package.

And it's wonderful to see her and my dad interact. They've maintained a tight sibling bond across oceans and I know my dad just delights in her presence. They have an easy familiarity that's so nice to observe.

I have the same kind of relationship with my own brother and I hope that our closeness will grow and intensify over time.

(I apologize in advance, because this entry is all over the place. I blame the 23 cups of tea I've had today)

The N-Bay party is a phenomenon unlike any other. It's like a neighbourhood get-together on steroids.

I think, when the party was in full swing, just over 55 people were chattering away on the balcony of my parent's house.

After eating my fill of the appetizers spread all over the house, I managed to flit my way through several conversational clusters.

Here are some of the things I talked about that evening:

1. Cats
2. Fishing
3. Growing tobacco
4. Hash brownies

Good times, good times.

The party this weekend made me think about my own neighbourhood and how, in some ways, we really don't fit the demographic of the area. We don't have kids and we don't have dogs.

What does everyone talk about? Kids and dogs.

I think I tried, once, to assimilate and talk about my cats and I was met with blank, uncomprehending stares.

It went something like this:

Them: Blah blah dogs and blah kids and haha blah kids!
Me: Sometimes, my giant striped cat rolls over on his back and I pet his belly.
Them: ....
Me: That's kind of dog-like behaviour!


After that one awkward interjection, I mostly keep to myself. I'm friendly and I don't actively throw rocks at any children (although I've been tempted...), but I don't make much of a concerted effort to interact on any meaningful level.

So, here is what we've learned from this post:

1. I like food (a lot)
2. I like Ingrid (a lot)
3. I've talked about hash brownies with a bunch of oldies
4. I am a bit of a neighbourhood hermit

PS: Ingrid, dad and I also went to Jedediah Island this weekend. On the way back, we checked our crab and prawn traps and actually caught stuff!

And I got over my fear of eating things that look the same dead as they did in life (ie: all manner of crustaceans).

Sunday, July 25, 2010

The Sojourn to Sunshine

Oh my. Did we ever have a vacation saga. Our five day sojourn to the Sunshine Coast was like the Odyssey. I'm in talks with Homer right now to see if he's willing to translate our story into dactylic hexameters.

For ease of reading, I'll break the tale into sections.

Day 1

We began our journey bright eyed and eager to see the famed Sunshine Coast. Having lived in BC for over five years, we were slightly ashamed of the fact that we had never once rode the 40 minute ferry to Langdale. We decided to remedy this sad fact and go camping all in the same trip! We are nothing if not efficient.

Here's some foreshadowing for you: the ferry right was the highlight of the first day.

We reserved a camp site at a place called "Bayside", which sounds quite pleasant and unassuming. It should have been called "Bayside: Camping Purgatory".

We had trepidations from the outset. We followed a convoy of big rigs down to the campsite and started to notice that Bayside was suspiciously close to:

a) an industrial truck site
b) a landfill


But! It was our first day of vacation and we were still optimistic. We drove around the campsite several times, trying to muster some enthusiasm for the place and we managed to convince ourselves that the truck noises and horrible traffic noise would stop in the evening (foreshadowing: HAHAHAHHAHAHAHA).

We went to the campsite office and confirmed our reservation. When the lady in the office asked if we were sure we wanted to pay for all four nights in advance, we should have taken it as a sign. Instead, we smiled through our doubts, and paid up.

And then we set up camp.

While we (ie: Adam) were setting up the camp, we stopped grumbling at the industrial noises long enough to admire the fact that the majority of the tenting sites were empty. At least we had some space to ourselves! (foreshadowing: Not for long...)

After the site was set up, we found ourselves a nice beach and played frisbee. It's a little known fact, but I'm a pretty damn fierce frisbee champion.

So, after some frisbee and some ocean swimming, we were all "la la la, camping is great!1" and we skipped back (down the scary industrial road) to our campsite.

And then, as our campsite came into view, I uttered these infamous words:

" we have neighbours?!"

I squinted into the sunlight and saw a soccer-mom vehicle parked in the spot right next to ours.

We kind of stumbled in disbelief and just...stared at this family who had moved in next door.

Literally an hour ago, we were marveling at the emptiness of the campsite. It wasn't as if there were no other spots available. And these tedious people, drawn inexplicably to our animal magnetism, picked the spot right beside us.


I don't know about you, but I go camping so that I can hopefully try and get away from having neighbours for a few days.

I would understand the family moving next to us under the following circumstances:

1. Every other campsite in the place was on fire
2. Every other campsite in the place was under water
3. Every other campsite in the place is over run by zombies

Seeing as none of these contingencies were in effect, we were more than a little put out by these people and their shrieking three year old.

In a fit of madness borne of desperation and heat, we collapsed our tent and dismantled our campsite in about two minutes flat.

We then hauled everything five campsites down.

I'm sure we looked incredibly insane with our air mattress inflated and shoved onto the roof of our SUV, driving slowly and ragefully down the road.

So, we (ie: Adam), set up another campsite and settled down for dinner, a campfire and some intense Scrabble.

One thing we noticed, as the sun began to set on our first (foreshadowing: and last) night of camp, was that the traffic noise really didn't cease. What did happen was that it became more sporadic, so we'd be enjoying the natural sounds of camping when a gigantic truck would come out of nowhere and belch all over our serenity.

Adam and I packed it in early because we were kind of weary of everything by this point.

It's at this point in the story where I have to profess my profound thankfulness at the fact that I wear earplugs to bed.

So, while I drifted off to a nicely muffled sleep, Adam was kept awake by the fact that we were practically camping on a highway. It was like trying to take a nap in a ditch.

So, I slept soundly while Adam seethed and grew slowly insane thanks to a combination of truck fumes and broken dreams.

Day 2

And because of this, he was up at four in the morning chopping wood. Because, that's what you do when you are running on about two hours worth of sleep. Luckily, he did not lose any fingers or other appendages.

When I crawled out of the tent several hours later, he turned to me with seething, blood shot eyes and said "Get me out of here".

I looked at him, and then I looked at the hatchet he was gripping, and I decided that the best thing to do under the circumstances was to eat several marshmallows for breakfast.

After the sugar kicked in, I made the best decision of the whole trip. I decided to find us somewhere else to lay our weary heads for the remainder of our time on the Coast.

I refused to let this mockery of a campsite defeat us!

I called several places. I did not call any campsites, because Adam gave me A LOOK when I suggested that we might need to put the tent up for a third time in two days.

Lady Luck smiled down on me and there was a cancellation at a place called Fisherman's Resort.

We secured a cabin for the remainder of our trip. With this bit of serendipity on our side, we packed up the campsite and tried to bid a hasty retreat out of Bayside.

Tried to.

It turns out, that from all of the packing and unpacking we'd been doing, we left the doors to the SUV open too long, and our battery had died.


We managed to convince one of the Bayside workers to give us a boost, and then we bid a hasty retreat.

And we never did get a refund on the other three days that we booked at Bayside. But, by this time, it was worth it to eat the money and get the hell out.

So we hit the road and made our way north, away from Sechelt to the area of Pender Harbour. Specifically, we traveled to Garden Bay, which became our home for the remainder of our vacation.

The resort (which was really just a wee cabin, perched at the ocean's edge near a marina), was a breath of fresh air. It was quiet, beautiful and serene. It absolutely redeemed the trip. Also, our cabin was named "Mussel Beach", which just amused the heck out of us.

We spent the second half of the day in a happiness coma, enjoying our cabin and watching the boats in the marina.

Day 3

Waking up to the waves lapping the shore, we had our breakfast outside and watched the marina stir to life.

This was the day that we explored Skookumchuk Rapids, which is an area of very fast, very narrow tidal flows. As a result, the tidal changes are spectacular and incredibly dramatic. Skookumchuk is a haven for thrill seeking sea kayakers and we watched a few of them in action.

The hike to and from Skookumchuk left us feeling hot and tired, so on our way back to our cabin, we stopped for a swim at beautiful Ruby Lake.

Back home, we took the Pub Path to the Garden Bay Restaurant, where we dined on west coast food while taking in the sunset over the ocean.

As we retired for the night, listening to a loon call out in the growing darkness, I didn't think our trip could get any better (foreshadowing: I was wrong).

Day 4

Adam works with a guy named Scott whose parents have a summer home near the area of Halfmoon Bay. Scott happened to be heading to his parents place the same time we were on the Coast, so he kindly invited us for a visit.

Scott's parents home is beautifully situated with panoramic ocean views of the bay. We met up with Scott and he took us out on his boat for a tour of the waterways, including Secret Cove and Smuggler's Cove. Fun Fact: Smuggler's Cove was used by rum-runners during the prohibition!

Scott also took us to a beach that's a favorite with locals. It's a sand spit with campsites. We should have stayed here!

After a brief stopover back at Scott's parents place, we went back out on the boat to journey a little farther into the inlets and coves around the area. We saw seals! And lighthouses!

So, we were out on the water for a while and then the waves started getting a bit too choppy for comfort, so we headed back.

Almost as soon as we turned the boat around, I heard Scott exclaim "What was that?!". I turned to where he was pointing and I saw it. A magnificent, 17 metre grey whale. And it was swimming and feeding about 100 feet from the boat.

It was, in all honesty, one of the most amazing sights I've witnessed. Seeing the sheer size of this creature and watching it move in front of me was enough to give me goosebumps.

Adam, Scott and I watched the whale feed and swim for several minutes and we felt incredibly privileged to have witnessed it. We were the only boat in proximity and it felt like we alone were watching this whale.

After getting pictures and a video, we left the whale in peace and proceeded back to the house.

After telling Scott's family about our whale siting, we settled down for a fantastic dinner.

Here's the sunset view from their balcony.

Day 5

On Day 5, we sadly had to say goodbye to our cabin and start the journey home.

We left early and headed to Gibsons, home of the famous CBC television series "The Beachcombers".

The town was a cute tourist destination and made for an excellent end to our Sunshine Coast trip.

I have to say that, despite a horrible first day, our vacation was fantastic. I emerged from it a little sunburned, but with a definite appreciation for Pender Harbour and the beauty of the Sunshine Coast.

We'll definitely be returning, but not to Bayside.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Return to the wild

It's T-1 day until we go camping! So far, Adam has:

-reserved us a campsite
-hauled out and inventoried the camping gear
-aired out the sleeping bags
-washed the cooking gear
-organized a list of what we need to buy/bring

And I have:

-read my book in the sun
-given Adam some helpful suggestions*

I feel as if I've put in a full day's worth of work and it's only 1:00. Clearly, I need to send Adam to make me some more iced tea. He's so lazy.

I love camping. I love campfires and smokies and hammocks and hiking.

I do not love sketchy outhouses and big spiders in sleeping bags.

But I figure that the positives outweigh the negatives. But if I find a big spider in my sleeping bag, I might have to spend the night in the car.

We're heading to the Sunshine Coast bright and early (ie: before noon) tomorrow. We're camping near Sechelt for five days before grudgingly returning to Vancouver.

I'm mostly excited about camping because it gives me an excuse to eat hot dogs at all hours of the day. Also, I get to roast marshmallows! There's something primal and satisfying about holding a helpless marshmallow over a fire until it chars and reveals its sweet, gooey innards.

Camping makes me a little weird.

I wish we could bring our cats with us, but they would spend the entire time alternating between throwing feline hissy fits or cowering in the tent.

Also, they would be eaten by the local wildlife. Probably by aggressive squirrels.

We're bringing our camera, so we can document the frivolity. Expect to be photo-spammed when we get back!

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Shaggy mop head

So I just cut off literally a foot of my hair. I think I spontaneously lost about 20 pounds!

I had grown my hair out for my wedding last September and endured long hair through the humid climes of Belize, but for the last few weeks I had been feeling a nagging desire to chop off my locks.

I had to convince the hair dresser that, yes, I wanted a hair cut and, no, I did not just want a trim.

"But you have such nice hair!" she said.

"Yes, but it attacks my husband and cats. It is also sentient and quite malevolent", is what I thought about saying in return.

Instead I just told her that I was tired of wearing it up all the time and needed a change. But I think she got a taste of how terrifying my hair can be when halfway through the hair cut she paused and said "I think your hair is pouting. Why is your hair pouting?".

It was pouting because she was snipping away its ability to strangle people.

I think she was afraid I was one of those people who are fundamentally attached to their hair and freak out once its gone.

I am not one of these people. I have had pixie hair, long hair, medium hair, red and black hair, red and blond hair and very VERY red hair (so red that my nickname at work became "Howdy Doody").

I'm off the opinion that since hair grows back, you should do what you want with it. If you hate it, you only really have to suffer the shame for a few weeks at most.

So the hair dresser started cutting. And cutting. And cutting. SO MUCH CUTTING.

I tipped her extra because I'm sure she developed an hand cramp.

My hair is now just below my ears and cut into a shaggy, messy bob. I even have some bangs! And my hair dresser dyed it a deep, shiny red.

I'm still getting used to it. I'm not sure if I look like I have strategic bed head or if I just look I've taken a nap in a tornado.

But I must say that feeling air on the nape of my neck is very novel right now.

I would take pictures, but I can't find the camera and I can't be arsed to find it right now. I'll have Adam take some snaps when I see him tomorrow morning.

I have to say that no one screamed in horror when I went grocery shopping and my cats recognized me when I returned, so that's good news.

In non-hair related news, I'm excited because I found the perfect present for my brother Mike's 25th birthday. It's from the internet, so it won't be here for a few weeks, but it's seriously awesome. I love the internet. It provides such easy access to ridiculous items.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Stupid Lungs

Here I sit, hacking away and cursing my lungs.

I've managed to develop a full-fledged summer cold. Summer colds are so much more indignant than winter colds because human beings are supposed to be sick in the winter time. That's when it's ok to hibernate and live in a blanket fort from November to January.

But summer time is when people are supposed to be all hail and hearty and whatnot.

And even though our "summer" has been filled with middling, grey-skyed days, I still feel as though my immune system has betrayed me.

At first, I tried the patented "just pretend that there is no cold" strategy to see if I could fool my body into ignoring the cold.

I did this by partaking in an evening 5k run in honour of the Summer Solstice. I wheezed my way through the race, wolfed down a celebratory hot dog and stumbled into bed a little after midnight.

I was all excited because I thought that the mixture of running + greasy food had cured my lingering sore throat.




The next morning I woke up in a pile of pain. I felt like I had swallowed an entire porcupine and it was bristling with rage inside my throat.

Oh, and I sounded both husky and stuffed up. Which is a super sexy combination.

I basically spent the weekend moaning around the house and coughing like someone in line for an iron lung.

I wisely avoided work on Monday.

I not so wisely braved work today. I was promptly sent home. I suppose my protestations of "I'm FINE" coupled with deep, horrible coughs did not actually convince anyone.

So, now I'm back home feeling vaguely sorry for myself and trying not to be utterly distracted by own wheezy breathing patterns.

Ugh. UGH.

At least Adam's been distracting me with Season 1 of "True Blood". Saucy southern vampires make convalescence a little easier to handle.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Of Two Minds

Oh lord.

I am doing a lot of school this month. A lot.

One of my courses makes my brain hurt every week with its scary assignments and tests. And my other course creeps and lurks in the background, like a stalker. This course rears up every once in a while and says things like "DO THIS BIG SCARY WRITTEN TEST RIGHT NOW BEFORE YOU FAIL HAHAH HA".

Last weekend gave me heart palpitations because I my two courses converged and I had to basically chain myself to my laptop for several hours.

And the worst thing is that these courses are so drastically different, that my brain literally has to clunk into a different gear when I'm switching back and forth. Otherwise, I get confused and write about how to motivate people who are guilty of securities fraud.


In other news, Adam would like you to know that he is a meatatarian. The man love meat. He basically looks at an animal and parses it into cuts of meat. I often catch him eyeing our cats and I'm pretty sure he's wondering if he can fit them in the crock pot.

I, on the other hand, would be a happy vegetarian. If I could have bacon. If bacon was re-classified as a vegetable, I would embrace vegetarianism with open arms (which would be full of bacon).

I'm very conflicted when it comes to eating meat. I know, in theory, where meat comes from, but I'm more comfortable thinking that meat comes from:

a) trees
b) the grocery store

I don't like to think that my meat once had eyelashes. It makes me sad.

But, I know that I'm omnivorous and I need the protein that comes from meat. But it doesn't mean that I don't feel guilty when I tuck into a pork chop.

So, in conclusion, I am torn apart all over the place this week.

My homework is driving me crazy, and I'm fighting a moral and ethical battle with meat products.

I think I need to relax in a bath. With a glass of wine.

And a handful of bacon.

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Come and rifle through my sad belongings...

So, every year our townhouse community holds a weekend garage sale, wherein we all try and foist our crap onto our unsuspecting neighbours.

This year, the weather was...less than conducive to puttering about people's carports. It was misting passive aggressively and we were forced to sit outside on awkward folding chairs, desperately clutching warm drinks.

It was like camping, but without the nice campfire.

Garage sales are an interesting glimpse into the human psyche.

People will come in, cast their eyes over your paltry offerings and suddenly swoop down and grab something random, like a George Forman Grill and screech "WHAT'S THE LOWEST YOU'LL TAKE FOR THIS". And their eyes turn all wild, like they're fundamentally torn between needing this precious treasure and not paying more than $1.50 for it.

And the bargaining. OH THE BARGAINING.

I mean, I love bargaining as much as the next person, but when the item's already free...there's not much more I can do. Except throw in more crap. Which I gladly did.

I'm happy to say that, despite the gloomy weather, we got rid of a hefty pile of stuff and made a decent profit.

I have to say, that's it takes a lot of self-restraint to not push the hard sell on people wandering by.

I really had to work at not yelling things like "HEY! YOU IN THE HAT! YOU LOOK LIKE A GUY WHO NEEDS A CROCKPOT!"

Surprisingly, this did not help me sell the crockpot. Which is still looming at me, just sitting there smugly on its squat little legs.

Yes, I did just anthropomorphize a cooking appliance.

I blame the madness that comes from sitting in a carport for two full days.

Does anyone want a crockpot?

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

Sea-to-Sky journey


In a rare bout of spontaneity, Adam and I decided to bolt off to Whistler for a portion of the long weekend.

We didn't commit to the full three days, because:

1) Crowds make us insane
2) We didn't want to spend mad cash
3) I had lamesauce homework to do

My Friday was spent boozing it up at a co-worker's retirement party. I didn't make that much of a fool of myself (I think...), but I did stumble out of there smelling like I poured every alcohol in the world on my shirt. Poor Adam. He dutifully picked me up and drove me home. Apparently, I started talking about a shirt made out of "baby owl fur". Yeah, I don't know.

So he put me to bed and I tried to pretend that the bed wasn't tilting from side to side.

My Saturday was spent doing horrible homework for my Forensic Investigator course(WOW FUN)and returning the 32342 library books I took out the week before. I was also sweating out all of the debauchery from the night before, so I decided to soak up the remaining alcohol with some carbohydrates in the form of pizza.


After laying pretty low on Saturday, I was ready to go get my long weekend on!

So after visiting the most dis-organized Tim Hortons in the history of ever, we hit the road for a beautiful drive along the Sea-to-Sky highway to our destination.

Whistler wasn't as crowded as we feared and we happily wandered around the village. We spent that first day basically eating and taking pictures.

And, speaking of eating, I had the best caramel apple of my life there. Oh god, it was sublime.

I wish I was eating it right now.


That night, we had dinner at the literally-named "21 Steps". I gnawed on some prime rib, at creme brulee and basically rolled myself back to the lodge.

Speaking of which, the place we stayed was...eccentric.

It was a loft set up, with a living room, kitchen and bathroom on the main floor and a bed up stairs.

And I mean Up. Stairs.

Seriously, you basically had to get out rock climbing gear to get up there. I was terrified to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night because I didn't want to break my legs. Because then I would have broken legs and a full bladder. Which would suck.

The suite also had a fireplace and we skeptically purchased one of those ~easy fire logs~ from the front desk. It was essentially wood chips and glue.

And it refused to burn. It would halfheartedly ignite on one side and then Adam I would watch it fizzle out in about three minutes.

Our dreams of cuddling beside a roaring fire were not to be. Instead, we read our respective books and drank tea.

The next morning, we ascended BlackComb mountain via two chair lifts and rode the "Peak to Peak" gondola to Whistler mountain.

The Peak to Peak was both scary and interesting. And also scary.

I'm always vaguely suspicion of technology that cradles my life in its cold, metallic hands.

And this was no exception.

And Adam totally helped ease my fears by saying things like "If we fall now, we're plummeting over 600 feet!"

Gee, thanks.

But the views were pretty! And it totally made me want to ski again.

I figured that I had just risked my life on the gondola, so I could totally handle strapping myself to two skinny boards and going hurtling down a mountainside.

We took much many pictures, so I'll let you enjoy some visuals:

Posing on a balcony

We're going up there?!


We abuse our bears in Whistler by sitting on them.

Tea + book = contentment

Adam on a chairlift. This is his "whee!" face.

Adam not on a chairlift. This is his "stop being paparazzi" face.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Like a Wounded Duck

Dear faithful reader(s): I have another injury.

From the state of my recent blog postings, you would think I need to be secured in bubble wrap to protect me from myself. And you would probably be right.

This injury involves the soft, helpless underside of my left foot. And because there are no obvious shattered bones sticking out, the doctor diagnosed me with the ambiguously named "soft tissue damage". Which could really mean anything from a bruise to a torn ligament.

I wish I could be as general at my job and still get paid for it.

"Sir, it appears to me that you may or may not need to disclose that information, that may or may not be material in nature. Oh, and you may or may not be in default"

Actually, that's pretty on the mark.

Anyway, back to the injury.

As part in parcel with my soft tissue diagnosis, I was also given crutches and painkillers.

The painkillers are more fun.

The crutches are a lesson in faulty limb co-ordination and awkward flailing. And that's just trying to get down a hallway.

If you add doors and other elements (like tea) into the equation, you're met with embarrassment of the most epic proportions. And tea-stained clothing.

But, my foot is healing. But don't tell Adam. Because I'm rather enjoying bossing him around and making him fetch me things.

Here is how our conversation goes:

Me: Adam!
Him: ..yes?
Me: I need a snack!
Him: But you just ate dinner.
Me: *puts on sad eyes and points to foot*
Me: *puts on even sadder eyes*
Him: Sigh. Fine. What do you want?
Me: Nothing - I was just testing you. Congrats! You passed. If this had not been a drill, I would be eating pretzels right now.

All I need is a little bell that I can ring. To get Adam's attention if he's hiding out in the basement.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Circles beat Triangles

Dear blog reader(s) - I have a bruise.

It's quite a spectacular bruise, with colors like a Mediterranean sunset. It's all purple and blue and green. I'd call it pretty, if it didn't hurt so dang much.

I acquired this bruise at work and, no, it wasn't because I hip checked my co-workers in a fit of rage.

Essentially, it came to the fact that:

a) I only have two hands
b) I was trying to carry four things (including tea)
c) I have all the spatial awareness of a horse with blinders on
d) I was talking AND walking at the same time

This, my dear reader(s), is a recipe for disaster.

Basically, my tea was looming at a dangerous angle, so instead of being smart and putting something down, I tried to do a creative juggling maneuver and ended up maneuvering my thigh right into the corner of my co-worker's desk.


Ow. ow. ow.

I made a dignified noise (like a stuck pig) and limped off to the bathroom to examine the damage.

Nothing looked out of place so I was all "Oh, it's not that bad...".


And then the bruise came.

And boy, was it a doozy.

I would take a picture, but I don't want to offend the delicate sensibilities of my reader(s).

The sad thing is, this sort of thing has happened before.

In fact, I've actually managed to bruise the heck out of my arm because, get this, I tried to crawl into bed sans glasses and...


Oh yes. I mistook the deep shadow around the bed for the bed itself and put my hand...on nothing.

And fell. Onto my bedside table.


I think I need to move to a world where there are no sharp edges or corners.

For my own safety.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Oh Captain, My Captain

May 21 marks a very strange and bittersweet date for me at work. That Friday, the oldest, most experienced and sassiest member of my work team is retiring. After working at the Commission for over 30 years, her split with this job is well deserved.

After she leaves, it will vault me into the position of the most experienced on our team. I'm not quite sure how I feel about this. One of the reassuring things about my job was the understanding that if I was ever unsure or unclear on an inquiry, I could turn to my team mate and get the answer I needed.

Now I'm turning into that person. I'm becoming the expert that my other team members rely on, and I find myself providing the answers that I used to ask for.

It's a strange role reversal and my instinct is to fear the change that's coming and try to ignore the inevitable.

I call this "The Ostrich" and I'm very good at it.

But there's also a part of me that is excited about being the true, indisputable leader of the group. A part of me that's confident and sees the road ahead with clear eyes.

I'm finding, as I'm growing long in the tooth, that the ambition and drive that's been sitting dormant within me is coming to the surface.

I finding myself wanting more opportunities, more education, more experience, more, more, more.

And I want it all now.

Apparently, as my ambition increases, my patience decreases.

I would draw a graph, but, alas, my math skills have not grown stronger with age.

When I look back at the person I was when I first started this position, I can truly see how far I've come. From being green and eager to taking a leadership position in three short years, I'm quite proud of myself.

Plus, my retiring team mate promised to give me her home phone number so I can call her at home and disrupt her retirement with my inane questions.

It's good to have a lifeline - especially when you're steering the ship.

Just because I'm the boss, doesn't mean I've stopped mixing my metaphors.

Monday, April 19, 2010


I thought that I would share the fruits of my yardening labor from this weekend.

We bought flowers. Lots and lots of flowers. We bought flowers to pretty up our deck, which has recently been through the most thorough power wash its ever had. Ever.

It's now a different color.

It used to be a hazy greenish mossy algae grey color. And now it is a pinkish taupe-y dull color.

It really is an improvement. I promise.

And here's a picture of Mortimer looking judgmental on aforementioned deck.

Yes, so the deck is squeaky clean now, so we felt obligated to dress it up a little.

So we wandered around Art Knapp Nursery and picked out various flowers with fancy names. I tried to look like I knew what I was talking about, but honestly I was just happy that I remembered the difference between annual and perennial.

Here's some pictures!

Enjoy our flora.

Now if I can remember to water these guys and keep them alive long enough to recoup the investment, I will be most pleased.

I don't have much of a green thumb. I kind of look at plants with a kind of puzzled trepidation and try and figure out how not to drown a poor wee seedling in the first hour of its life.

I like flowers. I like to be given flowers (RIGHT ADAM?!). I like the smell of flowers....but I'm just not sure about the upkeep of flowers.

But, I'm going to try and channel some kind of nurturing mother nature persona this summer and keep my balcony plants from singing a floral swan song.

Wish me luck.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Flirting with Academia

I sometimes wonder if I'm a wee bit masochistic.

Not in any kind of scandalous way, but in a "I must take as many classes as humanly possible" kind of way.

I like to torture my brain meats.

From April - July, I'll be involved in three full time courses. Three courses that all demand essays, exams and various assignments.

I also, apparently, have to continue to work full time as well.

I feel I may need to invent some kind of time halting device in order to cram in all of the demands of these courses.

Or, you know, I could stop watching trashy TV shows in the evenings.


I think the time halting device sounds more fun. Plus, maybe I can go on Dragon's Den and get money for inventing it.

If I were to psycho-analyze myself about my propensity to take as many classes as possible, I would say that I am pining for the days of full time academia.

And it's true.

I miss bemoaning the "earliness" of a 10 AM class. I miss cramming for an impossible number of exams. I miss writing lecture notes while half asleep and then trying to decipher them later on.

I miss school.

If I could afford it, I would definitely be a full time student. I would throw myself back into university and stay there until they dragged me out.

Ideally, I'd become one of those mad, old professors who is covered with chalk dust from insane chalkboard scribblings and who wears loud clothing that's 5 years out of style.

This isn't actually too much of a stretch for me. I basically resemble that remark, minus the chalk dust.

I know that I'm idealizing academics, and it's more than brilliantly minded people sitting around debating interesting issues, but I think I would still gladly drop my job like a hot potato if the opportunity for scholastic study was offered to me.

I think I need to win the lottery.

After buying myself a unicorn and a hover car, the next item on my agenda would be to fling wads of money at a university for the pleasure of being locked up in that academic ivory tower.

But, for now, I temper this desire for school with courses that are of vague relevance to my job.

So instead of taking a class called "Zeus - The Formative Years", I have to take classes called "How To Motivate Employees Without Violence" and "Organizational Behavior - Like Herding Cats, Only Harder".


One day I hope to be able to happily ensconce myself in school. For now, I will just continue to teach my cats about Greek Mythology.

They're star pupils, my cats are. Except we need to work on their essay writing skills...

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Slug Tossing - a sure sign of spring

I believe that spring may have officially sprung in my neck of the woods.

Today has dawned bright and beautiful and I will take advantage of this gorgeous weather by.....studying for my final exam.


Well, maybe I'll go for a run first and then study. Because I feel if I waste this day, Mother Nature will give me that look that all mothers are famous for. You know, the one that makes you regret everything you've ever done ever.

This weekend will also see Adam and I partaking in some intense yardening. Yardening, for those who are unfamiliar with the term, is a combination of yard work and gardening. Our yardening will include power washing the deck, digging up some planters and de-slugging our backyard.

But don't worry, we de-slug in a humane way.

You see, our backyard is surrounded by lots of trees. This is good, because I love trees (please see my blog posts about THE TRUCK to understand my fanatical love of foliage). These trees, however, block the sun, which casts my backyard in shadow.

This means that my backyard is a haven of moss and shifty looking shade plants. And slugs.


And as much as I love my slimy friends, I don't so much love them in my yard.

So Adam and I engage in a lively sport called "Slug Tossing".

This might be an Olympic event some day.

Basically, we find a slug, scoop it up with a leaf, and hurl it over our fence, into the soft leafy ground on the other side.

From there (we think), the slugs go on and have many exciting and fun adventures.

I feel a little guilty when I launch a slug over my fence, but I can almost hear the slug's joyous "wheeee!" when he becomes air born for the first time.

So, really, I'm just giving slugs the gift of flight.

If they end up inventing tiny, slug airplanes because of this, I think I deserve some credit.

And, yes, this is exactly how my brain operates. Bizarre "what if" moments and slug related hypotheticals take up most of my thinking power.

No wonder I'm so distracted all the time...

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Investing in Psychic Easter Bunnies

As I write this blog (from the comfort of my parent's Nanoose Bay home), I'm watching crows and seagulls feast on a variety of meat and cheese bits left over from a party 2 years ago. For some reason, this extra food was kept in the freezer and was saved for this precise reason.

We make our own fun out here.

There is a surprising amount of drama between these birds. The seagulls use their sheer size and bullying, but the crows have the stealth advantage. It really is anyone's game, but I think the seagulls are winning due to the fact that they have the ability to swallow 2pounds of cheese in one gulp.

Both parents are giving a spirited play-by-play of this Birdie Battle Royale.

I came out here on Thursday on my job's dime to give a presentation about investor fraud to the Parksville Newcomer's Club. Sharing the presentation with my co-worker, we talked to about 70 grey-haired individuals about how not to get scammed.

The presentation was not my best, due to the fact that both of my parents showed up and sat in the front row. This had the unfortunate side effect of causing me to forget what I was actually talking about and make up words that made no sense. Ugh.

My co-worker saved the presentation by telling ficticious stories about people "just like you" who were scammed. We managed to exit, but not before my co-worker almost signed himself up for a senior's bus tour of the island.

Waking up Friday, we were met with a power outage that lasted the majority of the day. After a rain-soaked drive to find breakfast, we came back home and cozied up around the fire. I spent a strenuous afternoon napping and reading and watching the storm rage outside. Seriously, I think I sprained something with all that excitement.

After witnessing nature's amazing destruction, Saturday dawned chilly, but beautiful. And it's a good thing, because mom had plans for me.

Back last summer, before I got married, mom planned to take me out to get my tea leaves read at a quaint little tea house in Nanaimo. Those plans fell through, and we decided to postpone our outing. Finally, the Saturday before Easter was the day of reckoning.

The tea leaf reading was interesting, and more of a psychic reading than anything else. I'm still processing everything she said. I'm internalizing it and seeing what might apply or ring true.

She did say a few things that struck a very deep chord and moved me to tears (which is mildly embarassing in that setting).

I'm interested to return to the tea shop and get my tea leaves read by one of the other women there - one of the traditional tea leaf readers, just to see what she has to say.

One thing the psychic did point out was that I carry far to much stress, about work and about family and I have to learn how to compartmentalize and let some things go. This is a hard concept for me to put into action, because I'm a "fixer" and I want to make sure that everything and everyone I love is taken care of and safe.

She also told me that I grind my teeth. And I do. I even have a sexy bite guard that gives me an alluring lisp.

She also told me that Adam and I were "it" and that he made me happy. Which is true. It's especially true when Adam buys me stuff (kidding!).

And on this Easter Sunday, I am very reflective. Of family and of work and of life. My brain only briefly slowed down to let me enjoy a giant breakfast of eggs, waffles and bacon. My brain knows better than to make me think while I'm eating bacon. Bacon will always be the priority over complex thought.

And now, dear readers, I bid you a wonderful and relaxing Easter and I'm off to enjoy the spoils of the Easter egg hunt mom set up for us "kids" in the living room.

I'm happy to report that I won the egg hunt by an embarassingly wide margin.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

March Madness

Oh man. March is shaping up to be on heck of a busy month. Especially at work. Here's a breakdown of what's happening in this, the third month of the year:

1. Year end performance evaluations (I have to do my own, plus five for my direct reports)
2. New hire. We're bringing a new employee in to join the team on March. 29
3. In house presentation. My team and I have to wax eloquent about our jobs for 1.5 hours at the end of the month.

Also, everyone seems to be crabby in March. Probably because it's tax season. Or because it's almost, but not quite spring...

Arg. I feel I don't have enough hours at work to get things done and I wish to invent a machine that pauses time, so that I can get work stuff done and not have to be in the office at 6:30 AM.


In other (more extracurricular news), I love my Thor! My grey stormcloud of an SUV makes me happy and gives me freedom and means that I can go buy an avocado at Thrifty's ANY TIME I WANT. haha. ha.

Also, my non-work adventures have started including yoga. OH THE PAIN. Did you know that there are muscles underneath the ribcage? Because I am now very much aware of these muscles. And we are not on friendly terms right now.

Friday, March 19, 2010

Day 3 - Sunrise + Husband

So after I wrote my last post, I grabbed the camera and shoved it directly in my bag. I didn't even get distracted by Mortimer sitting in a cat loaf on the stairs.

So today, as I wandered up the hill to the bus stop, I decided to take a picture of the sunrise. Now this sunrise isn't as spectacular as some I've seen, but it does a decent job of looking pretty.

I get to start my morning with a pretty nice view, which does set the trend for the rest of the day.

And this makes me happy.

I also have a pretty fabulous husband, who bought us tickets to see Cirque du Soleil this summer.

In this picture, he's hiding behind a horror book. The man does love his horror. He's also taking me out for a fancy lunch followed by sketchy used car shopping on the weekend. Woo!

This was a "two fer" post, readers! How exciting.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

Day 2 - Trees

Hmm. So you've probably not failed to notice that the whole "I will post something that makes me smile everyday" day.

Apparently, I'm not the best with keeping promises. This is good to know!

To my credit, I have had a few intensely busy days, and I do keep forgetting my camera. So those are my excuses and I'm sticking to them!

But right after I write this post, I'm going to stick the camera in my bag, so I there's no chance of me forgetting. Unless I get lost walking down the stairs (which sometimes happens. Don't judge me).

But! I do have a picture to share with you! I took it a few days ago because I was so happy that my saga with the truck driver ended with an uneasy truce (aka: I can't see his truck from my window).

So, to celebrate my small victory, here's a picture of my unobstructed view!

Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to capture the sunrise that I get to view while waiting for my bus.

Monday, March 15, 2010

Day 1 - Felines

This one is easy, so I'm starting with it.

I love my cats.

Right now, I'm not ashamed to admit that my life revolves around the two four legged residents who live in my townhouse.

Let me introduce them.

Here is Mortimer:

He is a silver striped tabby. And he is large. He weighs roughly the same as a small whale.

He is often belligerent and judgemental.

He can usually be found either:

1. Rolling on the ground exposing his belly
2. Sleeping
3. Eating
4. Napping
5. Resting
6. In a zen state of meditation that looks like sleeping to the untrained eye

This is Io:

Named after a tragic Greek heroine, Io is the smaller of the two cats. She is also less "intellectually inclined", as it were.

She is loud. Very loud.

She makes a variety of noises and tends to harass all members of the household, including (and most especially) Mortimer.

And I'm feeling happy! So the experiment, so far, is a success.