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Prairie girl with a west coast future.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Annoyance breeds a numbered list

Because I'm cranky..

Because I need to fill my blog quota for the month

And because I'm sitting here icing the ankle that I keep spraining...

Here is a list:

Things that (Ir)rationally Annoy Me

1. People who keep their wiper blades going SUPER FAST even after the rain has tapered off. Stop it. Your blades are making that irritating EEEeEeEEeee noise. I'm not even in the car with you, but I'm still annoyed.

2. The fact that my eyes are 5000 times bigger than my stomach. I came home and ate about 20 pounds of stirfry because my eyes were like OOH YOU TOTALLY CAN FIT ALL OF THAT IN YOUR STOMACH. And now I feel like Jabba the Hut

3. My own lack of spatial awareness. I probably shouldn't lose my sense of direction during the duration of a 1 minute elevator ride. And yet, every time I get out of an elevator, I stumble the wrong direction for several minutes before going through a tedious course correction.

4. Purse dogs. As a rule, if it barks, it should not fit in your handbag. Your pet is a genetic freak show made up of chromosomal anomalies. It's not cute. It's a crime against nature and you should feel bad.

5. Jeggings. Just..what the hell. Jeans are jeans. Leggings are leggings. And never the two shall meet. Also, they make everyone look stupid.

6. Mouth breathers. Close your mouth. Breathe through your nose. It should not be this hard, people. CLOSE YOUR MOUTH. I don't want to listen to you wheeze from across the room. It's gross.

7. Really loud commercials. Thanks to the glory of my PVR, I rarely actually have to watch commercials, but every so often I watch tv "live" and I'm always startled when the show stops and the commercials are like 80 billion times louder than they need to be. Seriously. Having children screech at me about toilet paper is not going to make me buy it. Be quiet.

8. Bad puns. CSI, I'm looking at you. It's not clever when a character picks up an iron, references it as the murder weapon, makes eye contact with the camera and says "She must have been.....STEAMED". NOooooo. No.

9. Cilantro. It tastes like soap and fail and is a shameful herb.

Because I'm feeling ornery, you don't get a number 10. So the list is going to stay forever uneven and incomplete. So there.

Except I'll probably get super antsy that there's only 9 things on the list and sneak back later to add number 10...

3 comments:

  1. 10. Family Circus Cartoons
    11. Starbucks Via Ready brew
    12. Holt Renfrew
    13. Bright lights
    14. Every single person who is in the Apple Store
    15. Ke$ha
    16. People who use words like ecofemanism
    17. People who think they are smart
    18. Grad students
    19. The internet
    20. Car transmissions
    21 - 25. BC Ferries
    26. The Northwest of BC (Terrace and Kitimat)
    27. People under the age of 25 and over the age of 35
    28. People who are overtly douchy with ipads (BC FERRIES)
    29. Things that cost money
    30. The spelling of the word leaves vs leafs

    ReplyDelete
  2. But...but... I like puns. I never knew you felt this strongly about them....

    ReplyDelete
  3. 1) You know that I have many feelings about puns, and none of them are good.

    2) anon - I definitely agree with your list and could, in fact, write a whole new post revolving around my distrust of Family Circus cartoons.

    ReplyDelete